Next pregnancy
Shall we risk it again?
A new pregnancy needs courage. The broken trust in destiny and the possibility of becoming parents, can sometimes make it difficult at first to be “expecting” again. After the crisis, it is important for the couple – each for themselves as well as together – to find their way back to themselves. To enter into a deep relationship with another child requires openness. It takes time for a couple to get ready for new challenges. It is also important to realize that there is no substitute for the lost child.
A sibling born after the deceased child needs their own space in the family. If medically fit, a woman can become pregnant again as soon as her body and soul have recovered enough to meet the demands of a new pregnancy and she feels up to motherhood.
When may I get pregnant again?
Once the weekly flow has subsided after about 6 weeks, another pregnancy is possible. After a caesarean section, it is usually advised to wait about half a year.
A consultation with a midwife or a doctor can help to realistically assess your psychological and physiological situation.
Be patient with yourself and your partner
Sometimes it takes a long time from the longing of one of the partners to the common desire to become parents again. Father and mother often process the loss at a different pace and with different future expectations. It takes patience and respect to stay in touch and develop common plans again. Maybe your partner is at a different stage of the grieving process than you are. Sometimes during the crisis that ensues after the loss of a child, the sustainability of the relationship can be questioned.
For the woman, the emotional effects of the loss are often also physically noticeable. While trying to get pregnant again, she can relive the feeling of emptiness in each cycle with the onset of the menstrual period. The man may react with feelings of guilt if the woman does not become pregnant. However, fertility cannot be forced, and the absence of pregnancy can have its own meaning: maybe the couple will need more time after all to say goodbye to the lost child than they realize.
How do I deal with my fears and my lack of basic trust in my body?
If another child is due, it causes conflicting feelings for many couples: the feeling of being overjoyed and fulfilled is mixed with considerable fears. In such a situation, it can be very helpful to put together a team of midwives, gynaecologists and paediatricians or doctors right from the start of this pregnancy, during which the expectant parents feel medically and personally understood.
The services of a midwife can – if desired – be used in addition to the medical pregnancy care and also after the birth. This is always covered by the health insurance.
Do not let your fears control you
Concerns of another loss may draw the parents’ attention to purely medical issues and potential risks. Often there is an impulse to initiate all possible examinations and measures – for fear of missing something that could protect this pregnancy. However, it is advisable to clarify with the midwife or the doctor, what is really medically necessary and useful. A joint conversation about the personal situation, the uncertainties and doubts of a couple can sometimes give more confidence than a myriad of examinations.
It is especially important for expecting parents to find out what is good for them and what supports them in their strengths and abilities.
Develop your sources of strength
Anything that helps a woman to be in touch with herself and her baby will help her to carry her child safely through pregnancy and to have a pleasant birth. She can do a lot for herself and develop her own sources of strength. She can, for example, very consciously enjoy the pleasure of feeling her own body with its changes and her new baby. Massages, relaxation techniques, meditative bodywork like yoga, walks or exercise can help. Some women are particularly creative during pregnancy and draw energy from making music, painting or writing.
The affection and closeness, the protection and the confidence of the partner now provide an especially important support. Even friends or relatives, who have accompanied the couple through the past crisis and now give him confidence, are a valuable support. If there are older siblings, it can be a nice and healing experience for the family to look forward and share the anticipation of the new baby.
Quelle: familienplanung.de
Quelle: familienplanung.de